Heavy

Service just ended and it was about Hope. Great preaching by PK and my heart weighs heavy.

Is there anyone? My hope is for us to feel the heartbeat of God, the heartbeat of CHC, the heartbeat of our leaders. To be urgent of the things God feels urgent. To celebrate the things that God feels worthy to be celebrated. Pst asked me if Huiqin and I are the only ones booking seats for the CG. I said yes. Pst asked if we are the only ones who came for the morning PM. I said yes. The look on his face made me feel bad. Where is the support, where is the firepower. Are we in this alone?

Are we fighting a losing battle? People are fleeing, people are not giving, people are holding back, but why? Are we afraid? Have we lost hope? Lost faith?

I need to do something about it. I tried. I gave liberty, I gave lattitude. It was disasterous. My heart weighs heavy... Is it so hard to choose to be teachable. Went for a wedding yesterday and Pst Zhuang said, make a choice to love and love the choices we made. Character is questioned. How can one make a choice only to regret. This is not like a simple lunch, or a job or an educational course. It is abt life and death, about destiny.

Can we make it happen? Yes, I have invested in every course mate. Have the hearts grown cold? Have we become complacent? Distracted? If only there is one. There was no one.

Heavy... Perhaps I need more HOPE.